Friend zoned?

We had coffee together for the first time tonight. I always enjoy his company. (You know who you are, so don't be shy.) He is intelligent, witty, full of great stories, adventurous, and just as likely to rabbit trail as I am. I adore his sister, and I consider him a friend.

But something he said got my brain working. (If you see smoke, the emergency exits are located to the sides and front of the plane.) He was talking about being "friend zoned."

Or has he been?

I have had friendships that have turned into something more. Sometimes, I haven't even explored my feelings for a guy in that way until he makes it clear he's interested. I can be just as oblivious as a dude about the signs. I either run the risk of appearing too vain (gosh, why wouldn't you be interested in me? I am such great company AND gorgeous to boot!), or I get knocked in the head by a ball from way out in left field (You like me? All this time, I thought I was just being funny by stealing your nachos. But, seriously...do you have more nachos?). Either way, there's always that very real risk when getting friendly with a potential partner that it's either too much or not enough.

So, what are we to do who find ourselves not quite sure, but really hoping that maybe, just maybe, you might feel the same about me? Well, for whatever it's worth, here's what I do. And yes, I am single still, but I know what not to do, so I am hoping if I just do the opposite of everything I have done wrong in the past, it will all work out in the end. For your derision, my short list during the early stages of dating.

1) Find out if your intended is single, playing the field, or in a relationship. (Dear idiot, walk away if they are in a relationship. Ain't nobody got time for that.)

2) Get to know them sober and figure out if you can stand their presence. Some people look better when they are drunk, some worse. But hopefully they aren't always drunk because that's just awkward.

3) Observation is key. My therapist (you should get one, darling. They're all the rage in Fresno) says that the way a person does one thing in life is generally a good indicator of how they will do all things. So, how are they with friends, family, finances, in grooming habits. How do they complete their work, talk about their experiences? And can you deal with this your whole life through (or as long as you both shall date or be in the same room together)? If the answer is no, your "buddy" has got to go.

4) State your purpose. What are you after? Are they on the same page? Be honest. Be polite. And be real. If you want a roll in the hay and your intended is looking for marriage (or at least trying to move in that direction), don't waste each other's time, eh? I know that I personally want to be seriously seeing someone who wants a family with me. I won't settle for less than that, which is why I am still single.

5) Don't sleep with anyone until you both have agreed on the way it's going down. The morning after is no time to discuss sexually transmitted infections, the morning after pill, relationship status, or anything else involved. That's keeping it simple, children. Not doing so is a good way to permanently mess up your life, the other person's life, and a host of unnamed others. A goodnight kiss is keeping it simple. An argument could be made for a handshake, but I am not going to take it that far. (I happen to enjoy a kiss every now and again.)

Well, that's my take on taking it out of the friends zone. I hope it helps. Pursuit is key. So keep going after your dream, whatever it is.

Remember, good loving is like cooking- part science, part art, part skill, part timing, part Murphy being happy with you (luck). May your life be filled with love in all its forms, and may you realize how lucky you are to have friends cool enough to consider dating in the first place. That's winning at life!

All the best,
Amy