Sad tonight...

I would pay someone to help make these thoughts go away, to stay with me through the night and just hold me to let me know I am ok, that everything will be ok. Sometimes at night for no reason at all, I want to cry, to scream, to escape life completely. I don't know what to do, who to call, or how to get myself out of it. I tell myself to hold on, that there are good things coming in life, that tomorrow is the Switchfoot concert, (or whatever else I have planned) and that this too will pass.

I breathe in and out and remind myself that it will be ok. I try calling a friend, maybe two, and then give up. I don't want you to see me like this. I almost walked a block to my neighbors house, but decided against it because what can they do? They can't hold me through the night and tell me it will be ok. And tomorrow I will probably be happy again, high on life. But tonight, my brain has taken over and I can't stop it. So I write, because writing is a safe way to say it without doing anything rash.

Thanks for listening. This is what my depression looks like. I am tired of trying to be brave for you. I love you all. Please send me a prayer and for my non religious friends, a good thought. Thanks for being in my life. I think of you and it keeps me here. All my love.