Try to love again

Well, folks, I am about three quarters packed for my new abode. I am reusing boxes that have laid vacant under my bed for the past two years in anticipation of this day. It's funny the things I save. I am finding that I may have some more sorting to do once I finally do move into my new place. For now, most everything in my room is going into boxes (mostly barring the title "books") without much thought of what stays and what goes. I'm doing sorting of a different kind in my life.

I joined OKCupid about a month ago. I started seeing one guy pretty intensely there for a time. The thing is, it was just too much too fast. So I backed way off, and I am diversifying again. Apparently, I needed to revisit the insights of Venus and Mars on a Date, one of the many books I own that I highly recommend to all my single ladies. In it, author John Gray discusses the five stages of dating: attraction, uncertainty, exclusivity, intimacy, and engagement. I have been going from attraction right into intimacy for as long as I can remember. This is not a good plan for long term success. But I don't feel bad about it. Rather, I am learning from my mistakes.

I am rereading this book, and I am finding that mistakes are a part of dating. We try and see if this person is someone whom we like, whom we might be able to love, whom we might want to spend the rest of our lives with. Each time we get a no, we adjust our approach, try to be more observant so as not to run into the same problems again, and move on. Eventually, we will succeed in finding the love of our life. There is no need to worry or fear, just be smart and use both our brains and hearts.

So, I am evaluating each person, trying to ask pivotal questions, and making sure that I enjoy all the stages of dating. If it gets too intense, I dial it back and try again. There is no need to worry. Everything will be ok, and one day I too will get my happily ever after. Everything worth having in this life takes hard work. Our dreams inspire us to do the work in the first place. Without working for our dreams, they are little more than fantasies. Don't be afraid to fail in pursuit of your dreams. Try to love again. Who knows? The next one might be the keep you forever kind. And know that you're not alone in this grand adventure of dating. I am out here too.

Love you all,
Amy

Staying safe while moving out

I will be moving into my own apartment soon. Seems like yesterday I was gathering all my stuff together in preparation for what to me marked the beginning of my adult life: having my own place. That was nine years ago, and in all that time I have lived by myself for 3 days and 3 months. This will be my third attempt to manage living solo, and I hope my efforts are finally rewarded.

I had a bit of a freak out yesterday. Sometimes I have trouble distinguishing between past and present. I took a deep breath, cried a bit, got real honest with the guy I am dating, and found an app to help keep me safe.

The app is called circle of six and can be found at www.circleof6app.com. The app is easy to use and helps to keep young women safe when out on dates, trying to get home, and navigating relationships. It even has links to hotlines in case the worse happens. I don't think I will have to use it, but being safe is a priority when it comes to living on my own.

I think anyone who is dating should have this app personally. As my boss says, "There are just way too many freak shows out there." I feel better knowing I have people backing me up, that I am not alone in life. Hopefully, this will be a great new adventure. Adding a lifeline, well that's just how smart girls do single.

Day fifteen of FODMAP diet: lactose challenge begins!

My diet has been going swimmingly. I have had a few hiccups along the way, mainly with gluten free products because I love my wheat so much. Today, I reached a new milestone on my march towards a free and independent digestive system: the lactose challenge phase of my diet.

After not having had any substantial lactose (or sugars found in milk) for the last two weeks, I did what any sane Oregonian would do. I went straight to my local coffee shop and ordered a straight up latte. The first day of the challenge invites the partaker to one forbidden item with a specified sugar in it just to make sure a severe adverse reaction does not occur. Tomorrow, I get to go overload on dairy products, that sweet nectar of my bovine beauties. So, I will be eating yogurt at breakfast, ordering a milkshake for a snack, and blessing my taste buds with a chicken quesadilla for dinner. If my stomach survives that onslaught, I will know that lactose is not to be feared or blamed for my stomach woes.

So, I made some cookies tonight. They're gluten free, and yes, I do plan on having one with my milkshake tomorrow. I am happy to be figuring this out, even while wanting it to be over so I can get back to normal life. I am starting to realize that my life is not normal. It's beautiful in its complexity and simplicity and always unique. I don't think I would change it.

As my questions are starting to get answered, I realize that the journey here will help me hold onto the discipline it takes to maintain health in the long run. The next challenges may mean giving up some of my favorite foods, but being healthy is worth it. Here's to a new start on finding goodness in the food. This too shall pass. ;)

Misadventures in dating

If you were here right now, we'd be sitting at Sweetest Thing Cupcakes in downtown Newberg sharing a cupcake and our hearts over some tea. I would laugh and tell you about my latest misadventure in dating while being happy because it's just one more foul ball on my grand slam quest. One of these days, hopefully soon, I am going to hit it out of the park. And when I do, I know you'll be there cheering for me.

I met him online. He was my first contact on a free dating website. We chatted online and on the phone one time before deciding to meet in person. He was going to call me a bit later that night, but I didn't hear from him until four days later, the day of our date.

When I finally did meet him, his first compliment to me was, nice butt. I should have ended the date right then and there. I confronted the behavior, and he said never pass up an opportunity to give a compliment. Seriously?!

We walked down the streets on Newberg long enough for all my favorite places to close and long enough for me to understand that this man was a self-proclaimed project. Ladies, can I tell you a hard fought truth I have learned from all my misadventures with men? If he isn't the kind of man you could see raising your babies with you right now, run for the hills and never look back!

We ended up eating an early dinner together at one of my least favorite places in Newberg because it's become the home of my almost but not quite connections with people. He rearranged the table as if he were a child. I think he thought he was being cute. I thought, what a spoiled brat! But, being hyper curious, I had to make sure I wasn't missing out on something good. So I fired my calibrated canon ball. I asked him what his life's mission was. He said it was to let go (pause for dramatic effect) and let God. I stared at him and started praying, "Jesus, how do I support that mission?" What a train wreck.

He couldn't wait to get out of there after that. I walked him back to his car. He hugged me and gave me a kiss on the head and told me it would be all right. Well, sir, I know that, but this date clearly was not.

It wasn't a complete disaster. We had some laughs, somethings in common, and he truly did listen to me. But I didn't feel valuable, cherished, or special when I was with him. I am no longer desperate, sisters! Let's hear it for progress!

I learned to trust my gut, that I can say no, and that I am worth being treated well. And, I am talking to someone else. I am excited to meet this guy because he shares his day with me and wants to hear about mine. I already feel special when I talk with him.

So, here's to hoping the next one sticks. And if not, I know my man will find me one day. It's just a numbers game.

Thanks for sharing my tea and cupcake with me. May you always have awesome dates and learn from the not so stellar experiences.

Day five of FODMAP

My daddy once told me that it's learning to want what is good for us that's the hardest part. Well world, I am learning that I really enjoy not only the food on my table also but the way I feel at the end of the day.
I am learning that this holds true in life too. There are these temptations that seem so good at the time. My stomach turns sour and body stops moving under their influence. Could it be that healthy people and a healthy relationship will cure my ales here too? I don't know, but I plan on finding out.
Truth is, I want to love someone and be smiling at the end of the day. I don't want to think of my man and be crying at the end of the day. So baby, here I am. Come show me that there's joy in the letting go, and the good is worth sacrificing for.
Keep dreaming, knowing that when you open wide your mouth, the Lord will satisfy you with every good and perfect gift from His hand. Surely my Maker knows what's best for me.

FODMAP adventure day one.

I created a collection with HTC Share and I want to share it with you. Click the link below to check it out. https://share.htc.com/q8mdzIlC4 "FODMAP here I come!"

I have IBS. Today was my first day controling my FODMAP intake (carbs that are hard for the body to break down) and I feel amazing! I had coffee, cornflakes in rice milk, and a hard boiled egg for breakfast. Lunch consisted of my usual turkey and swiss sandwich with mustard minus the bread. In its place, I had lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumber. My snacks were gluten free brownies and a piece of corned beef. And my dinner is on display for you: the best pork fried rice I have ever had and some pineapple on the side. I don't feel deprived, my stomach has not been protesting my food choices, and I can actually feel myself digesting properly. It's fantastic!
If you've got food problems, know that you're not alone. You can overcome them and have a healthy relationship with your body and food. Know too that sometimes it's a bit of a journey. I've been trying to name my mystery symptoms for years, let alone find a viable option for treating them. Don't give up, and don't stop believing that you're worth saying no to temporary pleasure for a more fulfilled lifestyle. Food was made to be good for you. You can enjoy it and still be healthy. It's just a process of learning what your body's optimum fuel is. So don't give up.
You may just discover something delicious along the way.
Happy eating! ;)

New begenings

It's a new season, a new day in the garden. I've learned much over the last few years, and now it's time to put it all into practice.
I found myself in the garden last night, much to my delight. The garden symbolizes birth, new life, tenacity, and courage to me. When I am in the garden, suddenly the modern world dissipates. Life becomes simple once more. It's easy to believe life began in a garden, that people were simply meant to love each other, God, and the earth between their fingers and toes. We breathe a sigh of relief in the midst of the "boring" work of weeding, planting, and watering.
Maybe what we need in our world isn't more excitement but more connection. Maybe what we're craving is togetherness, the opportunity to belong to one another, to be acknowledged for our work, and to contribute to the good of those we love. Maybe life was meant to be simple. We are made to love in a garden. Find me there. I will be laughing and working shoulder to shoulder with the beloved of my Father.
Life is to short not to garden.