Finding My Heart's Voice

I was afraid of the shadow
Under my eyes, around my heart.
I was afraid it would mean
A life of loneliness
Set apart
From the love of your embrace.
What would happen if I were to trace
This dark ribbon of my past-
Opened it up for all to see?
Would it swallow me
Into the depths of a black hole
Losing all control
Of my destiny?

But then it happened again-
From pages of the past
The monster took center stage today,
And I realized that by closing my eyes
I helped him make his escape
And kept him safe to haunt me
With scripts too old
To be creative.

So I opened the box
I had locked my heart in,
Found the voice,
A small whisper like a child
Afraid of the dark
Calling for help
Unsure of what to do next,
And I screamed.
I called the doctor
To help me remember
 How to speak.

And no, it's not over yet,
But I'm half way there;
I'm sure of it.
I know I have a problem.
I know I'm not alone,
And I know that
FACING IT
Means you and me
Together happily
One day.
And the monster will go away.
Forever.

I love you, husband-
Whoever you are.
I am fighting this one for you,
For us,
For Love.