When I first met Curtis, he told me he was a raging feminist. I laughed and told him I wasn't. This has been a topic I have struggled with all my life. Feminists in my mind were those women who could not accept their place in the home, saw their God given ability to be mother and wife as something of a nuisance and were not content with the role they were given to play in this world. In my mind, nothing good had come out of the feminist movement.
When I talked to Curtis about my core values, he challenged me that they were all feministic in nature. I believe in the equality of all people. I believe that everyone has something to contribute in this world. I honestly believe that if a woman has the drive and ambition to work her way toward the position of CEO in a company, she should not be denied that position because of her gender. I also believe that men can be just as good, if not better, homemakers as women. I have known some men who are excellent care takers of children, and to deny them the right and privilege of raising their babies seems a bit narrow to me too. He said I was a feminists, and I laughed again and told him I was an individualist. (Of course I had to coin my own term for it! I must be different for the sake of being curious.)
This semester has further challenged my beliefs about where exactly I stand on the whole feminist movement. My biggest problems with the movement in no particular order are
1) neglect of the home in favor of pursuing one's own ambition~ I believe family is worth sacrificing for, that children should not be raised by childcare, and that people do better when they know they are loved, wanted, and valued. Most children in America get 15 minutes of one-on-one time with a parent a week. I worked in mentoring. When an adult would take just one hour a week to devote to a child, their grades and test scores would improve; their self-esteem would rise; and they were less likely to get into trouble with the law. The neglect of the family in favor of career has a serious impact on our society. If both can be managed, awesome. But to give up on those who are nearest to you and need you most for something as "common as money" is a travesty.
2) disrespect of men~ I love men. I love how they are aggressive, logical, adventure seekers, and love to protect and provide for their own. I love the fact that they roam in packs when they are young and give all that up to be the best friend of a woman. Granted, they are people, and there are times when they say things about women that irritate me to no end. I am smart; I am capable, and I can make good choices without the help of a man. But a choice for relationship always seems preferable to me because people are the most important thing in my opinion. When pointing out differences, it seems to me that men get disrespected a lot by the feminist movement. I know this is a reaction to the disrespect women feel, but fighting fire with fire does not seem like a good strategy to change anything on either side. It just seems like it's going to burn the forest and the common ground down on this one.
3) self-reliance~ I have tried to be a strong, independent woman my whole life. I suck at it. I need people, need to be in community. My phone bill alone shows this. I do best when I am focused on others, giving, and involved in group activities. To me, being a feminist has always meant giving that up.
But this semester, something changed in my thinking about this movement. I started a painting class in which I explored the theme, Female In God's Image. As I painted, I realized how much joy my female relationships have brought to me. Each painting became an explosion of color and life. I want all of these women to have the best life possible for their unique self. I also learned about the convention of Seneca Falls where the feminist movement was born some 72 years after our country and 72 years before women got the vote. What I saw there was a community that felt they needed to speak up for the marginalized and were not allowed to because of their gender. They wanted the right to vote so they could end slavery, the right to divorce and keep their children to end the cycle of abuse, and the right to work to support themselves if they had no one to do it for them. I could relate to these women. I feel compelled to speak out for those who cannot speak up for themselves. I have had to divorce my husband to end the cycle of abuse. I am so thankful to be able to work as something other than a prostitute or servant, thankful to be graduating college. All of these good things in my life would not even be possibilities without the feminist movement.
I was talking to Carrie in art class yesterday about my main concern with the feminist movement being a devaluing of what I ultimately want to do with my life: raise my children inside of a healthy marriage and work if I must within my home to help with the finances. She told me that feminism could embrace that, and that there was nothing incompatible with my dream and being a feminist. I sighed a little sigh of relief. It seems to me that I can be a strong, lovely, empowered woman and still want to stay within my home. Maybe I am a feminist after all, just one that embraces men too. After all, we're all human, all a part of this dance called life.
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