Character

Formed by my everyday choices, who I am, what I get out of life, what I give, all of it composing my character. We watch and wait for a long, long time, never knowing what tomorrow will bring us. Only this hope-union, love, belonging, significance, meaning, purpose. And so we reach out a hand, offer a smile, interact for a moment for the sole purpose of belonging.

Maybe tomorrow, maybe today, maybe somewhere in the past we can take comfort in the knowledge that we have found home with another human soul.

I am waiting for someone to claim me as their own even while my heart screams life would be much easier for me if I were just to forsake this dream altogether. It's funny; I used to look for someone to be "Jesus with skin on" to me. Now, I am just looking for companionship and "a lover who won't drive me crazy." In these changed expectations, these uncertain and upheaved times, I am still looking for his face. I have decided just being friends and having fun is a better approach than running the gamut of the barnyard asking, "Are you my lover?"

Rain makes me remember that one is a whole number, that all is not lost, and that all things are beautiful in their time.

The ghosts of lovers past move in and out of my heart like the breeze playing with the curtains on a warm summer's day. But on this first day of Autumn,summer's breeze can only be a pleasant memory, a promise of next year's abundance. With all these memories, I must put behind me those who never could be cognizant of all I am. Foreign places are now familiar comforts reminding me that though we are strangers, you will be my fortress and I your home one day.

These values of mine keep me separate from my generation. My timidity keeps me caged from sharing these thoughts, feelings, and experiences. Rejection's bite still tingles on my heart the way my burn scaths my hand when I touch it, although it is healing. I am healing.

There are moments when I don't even think about the pain, moments when all I see is joy, beauty, and love. I live for those moments. I cannot always create them, but I cherish them.

Can I trust that You want me to belong more than I do, that You know how all of this comes about? Can I trust that You created my heart to hunger for this because You wanted to fill that hunger? Do I have faith to believe that You will guide me to the place of completion?

Let go, little heart. Free fall into grace. Life doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful. There is more to today than meets the eye. Rest. All is well.