Sometimes I feel so indecisive on things. Today, I went back and forth in my mind on wether or not to go to AlAnon. Pros: awesome people who understand what I have been through and are trying in their own way to deal with the same issues. Cons: most of these people are new to the program and running a stretch of highway in the middle of the night after walking 45 minutes is bound to get me or someone else killed.
So just for tonight I have decided to go to Celebrate Recovery instead. It's a Christian based 12 step program to help people deal with life's hang ups and issues. There's a corporate worship service and then the ladies and men separate into small groups to discuss life.
I am hesitant to go because the last meeting I went to like this was held at a church that housed a homeless shelter I stayed at for three weeks before coming home to Oregon. Participation was mandatory, and I hated it. Knowing I don't have to go back if I don't want to is helpful.
So here I am trying to get healthy and be content with the life I have. I am starting to get real with myself about how I have been part of the problem. I want to be part of my own solutions now. Today, I am learning to breathe and be grateful to be in my small pond where people love me regardless of if it's how I want to be loved.
Maybe living your own life on your own terms is the biggest adventure of all.
Update? How was it?
ReplyDelete