Being intentional

One of my best friends came and visited me yesterday. Spending the whole day with her was so much fun. We gardened, attended a talk on creation care at the local Friends church, and packed the remainder of my room up for the big move on Saturday. We talked about men, life, healing, as well as our struggles and triumphs. I felt truly loved and honored in her presence, and I was reminded why this woman is so close to my heart. She understands my heart. After years, I can stand in front of her with my heart open and not fear that she will hurt it. I love what has developed between us.

I live in a culture of instant gratification. Learning to be counter culture to this has been a bit difficult. My first tendency is always toward immediacy. "I want it now," or "I want to know how long it will take to be there," seem to be consistent themes in my thinking. Learning contentment has come slowly and is still something I struggle with. Being with my bud yesterday confirmed something in my soul...something I have long suspected but only recently really developed in my thinking.

Everything good in life takes time to develop, mature, and be fruitful. I can know how I feel about someone in an instant, but unless we both put in the time to work on our relationship, to forgive the hurts that we inevitably cause to one another when our paradigms collide, relationship will not be developed. Love, community, family, all of these are a result of an intentional effort to make another a part of my life, to be connected to someone who is the same but different than me. Sometimes, the differences get the better of me, and I want to break relationship as a result. Other times, I am overwhelmed with how similar I am to the other in front of me, and there seems to be nothing that differentiates us.

My dad says, "Hard work is the great equalizer." My business professors told me, "If the principle is true in business it is true in your personal life, and you can apply it there." So, hard work then is what makes a successful relationship. There is that initial attraction, that falling in love, crazy, out of control desire, yes. But in order to make it last, both parties have to work at being friends as well as lovers. Both people have to be intentional about their goals, their dreams, and honoring the other in the relationship as well as themselves. And if they are not going in the same direction, like two companies considering a merger, they need to respect one another enough to give up and find a more compatible partner, or else one person (or both) must change their life course to make it work.

We as a culture are so intentional in business. If we are smart, we are intentional about our health, the cars we drive, our technology, and the food we eat. We are intentional about the tv we watch. But when it comes to our families, our futures, how intentional are we with our dating process? Are we seeking someone we can spend the rest of our lives enjoying and building with, or are we simply after whatever we can get right now or what looks best "parked in our drive-way?"

I know I have been intentional with filling my life with good people as friends, in my hobbies and my educational pursuits. I have been intentional when it comes to networking, to financial goals, and to making exercise a part of my daily existence. But when it comes to relationships, I might as well have been walking around with a blindfold on. The thing is, whom you chose to spend your time with right now will impact the rest of your life. We are a part of one another, and we cannot help but either move closer to or away from what we experience. To be unmoved is apathy, and it just isn't something that's really a part of my character. So, I can chose to surround myself with people who are like minded, going somewhere with their lives, setting goals to accomplish their dreams, or I can chose to sit by and pretend I am a victim of my own life. But I am not. None of us are. We make our choices, make the best of the cards that are dealt to us; and if we are smart, we learn and grow and prepare for the next hand.

Being intentional means preparing for what I want in my life as well as chasing my goals and dreams. Do I do this perfectly? Heavens no! Each day I am getting better at it. I am saying no more quickly to things I don't want in my life. I am letting friends and family gently point me toward better solutions to problems I face. I am living from my values as best I can today knowing that it is a process. Life is a process. This isn't an instant thing, being healthy in my soul. Rather, it is learning what I want, what I don't want, and what I can do about it. It is taking the steps one day at a time, knowing that I will never arrive. Rather, I am learning to be healthy in this moment in hopes that the next moment will be healthier still. I am learning to be intentional with my soul, to honor myself.

And you know something? It feels good. My soul feels good these days.

May your soul thrive as you live from the core of who you are one day at a time on this beautiful journey of life. I honor God within you.